I'm now currently tracking everyone who views this blog. If you leave without commenting I will hack the SHIT out of your computer and destroy anything on it. Don't test me.

START COMMENTING.

We are weak and insecure, we need feedback!

Have a pleasant day.  ¶ 9:53 AM 2 comments

  The 'war' on drugs? I haven't heard a lot about 'the war on drugs' as of late. People seem to be preoccupied with "more important" wars. But who really cares what is going in in Iraq, or Iran or wherever? I say, let the states terrorize whoever they want AFTER they have eliminated the marijuana problem. I dont think people realize how big this problem really is. Our youth are being corrupted and de-moralized by this horrible substance.

When 'high' (or stoned, as some drug abusers like to call it) the tactile, saporine, and olfactory senses are greatly heightened. Think for a moment of the potential trouble this could cause in the typical substance abuser. Lets start with the tactile senses. The marijuana user starts to notice textures more than usual and is physically stimulated by almost anything he touches. This often leads to the inapropriate physical contact between two or more offenders that can even lead to sexual feelings. And while the term 'sexual healing' is common among such circles, I can assure you no medical healing is taking place. These people are seeking the most selfish of sexual release, and due to the drug in question, that pleasure is not only greatly hightened, but also prolonged. This kind of super-sexual experience can easily lead to the kind of sexual addiction that is plaquing our youth.

What happened to the good old days (the 50`s) when people understood that sexual contact is simple evil manifesting itself in it's most decadant form. Back the people understood that sex could kill you, and even the most innocent kiss could impregnate young girls ruining their chance to ever find a decent husband. In the 50's, people didn't smoke marijuana, which allowed them to live a lifestyle based on good christian morals (chastity, obediance, and weekly church-based 'reeducation'). I believe when we abolish marijuana, we will be able to recreate the perfection of the 50's. Men will wear suits and hats (of the bowler or fedora variety) and women will wear non-revealing dresses (except when cooking dinner, where they will be naked and bare-foot).

But I digress, building a perfect society if a lofty task which must wait until the drug problem is solved in North America and George Bush Jr. is 'elected' Emperor of the world. So, let us get back to the way in which marijuana corrupts or saporine sense. The many tastes and textures of food are often taken for granted by the upstanding citezen (and they should be), but the drug abuser is a different story. They use words like connoisseur, aficionado, and gourmet. I use the word 'glutton'. These people develop such an 'appreciation' for eclectic foods that they start to think they are superior to those who enjoy good ol' meat and potatoes on a nightly basis. They can even become confused as to their own ethnicity and eat food from China, Thailand, or even Japan!!. Now i have to pose the question: what kind of terrorist would rather eat food from Asia over a hearty American classic like the sandwitch. Remeber the sandwitch? it's what we ate for lunch everyday before marijuana made it's presence known. Now even the sandwitch has been perverted beyond recognition. A sub is not a sandwitch. It's an abomination.

You must cleary see now the horrors marijuana has unleashed onto our great society. We must unite to eliminate this threat to wholesome living. And with it, we must also do away with the affiliate offenders. On the top of my list would be any resteraunt that has more than two items on the menu (the two nessisary items, of course, are "BLT", and "Steak and Potatoes"). And in their place, we should put churches. With such a great number of churches, we will be able to educate people on the dangers of immorality and drug abuse.

On a final note, I would just like to remind you that if you have ever smoked the evil of which i have been writing, may your soul be forever damned to the depths of hell, where the humidity is uncomfortable high, and air-conditioners are always 'sold out'.


Next week I will explain the horrors of wearing sandals, and how they cause stomach cancer!



Dr G.  ¶ 11:45 AM 8 comments

  Drivers: Horrors on the road. I'm going to start this off by saying I HAVE received multiple speeding tickets in my years of driving. One of them I FULLY deserved, but the other one was a case of 'i'm gonna be a dickhead cop'.

Needless to say, I fully believe drivers get worse in the summer. Perhaps it's because people drive with their windows down, music louder than usual and drift off in a fantasy land of babes in bikini's and picnics by the river. I don't know. I don't plan to take a survey. All I know is people NEED to know and learn that the left lane is for PASSING only. It irks me to see a dickhead driver cruising 5 below the speed limit in the left lane, no knowledge at all to the huge massive lineup they are creating behind them. LOOK IN YOUR REARVIEW MIRROR ASSHOLE! Then move the FUCK over. You CAN actually get a ticket for driving too slow, it has happened. Also people, check your blind spots before moving into another lane there's a possibility there MAY be a car beside you!

News flash: Drinking and driving is NOT a good idea. Listen here, I'm not angelic by any means but I know that drinking and driving is a recipe for disaster ..so if you care at all about yourself and your loved ones just don't do it. Liquid courage is overrated and when you kill someone's child or mother or father you will have to LIVE with that for the rest of your life. Think about it.

p.s if you happen to see me flipping you the bird on the road you've either
a)cut me off
b)annoyed me by driving slow in the fast lane
c)tailgated me.

Tailgating is stupid, when I slam on my brakes you are going to get yourself into a bit of trouble. Whiplash is a bitch and I'm going to have it regardless of how hard you hit me, asshole.

Happy driving.

Ms.S.Magnifico.!  ¶ 4:07 PM 0 comments

  Snakes on a plane.... Now I am not going to get in to the habit of reviewing movies on this site as this is in fact "cynical banter" not "Happy-Time movie reviews, with Gary!!". Snakes on a plane has proved to be quite out of the ordinary though, and needs a thorough examination. Roumors, clips, soundbites, and hype of all sorts surrounding this film have infected every form of media imagineable. Samuel L. Jacksons voice is so prevalent wherever i go, that the little voice in my head that tells me right from wrong is starting to sound like Sammy. All moral descisions are followed by a compelling urge to see snakes on a a plane?!

Well let's discuss the movie itself before it's impact on the world around us. The movie begins as many do with a crime witnessed by some kid who needs the protection of the great and powerful Sam Jackson. So Sammy has to escort this unlucky chap on a snake infested flight from hawaii to LA. To accompany them on this ill-fated flight is a group that seems to be a satirical twist on popular stereotypes (or maybe thats just how it comes across when you put so many stereotypes on a plane together?). While i am not going to ruin the surprise of HOW snakes ended upon the plane, sufficed to say, several hundred poisonous snakes make an appearance throughout the movie. Their attacks seem to come in convienient waves though. At first they show up in force, killing more than half of the passengers, many in humorous ways (think Cabin Fever's type of 'so bad its funny' deaths). Then all of a sudden a few suitcases are a sufficent barrier against the once-determined killing machines. This sort of cycle happens several times over the course of the film (as with other very noticable inconsistancies in continuity). No doubt, the highlight of 'snakes' is Samuel's "badassocity' or 'badassness' if you will. Such daring acts as climbing atop passenger seats while fending off snakes left and right with his trusty tazer, or shooting out the side of a plane so the snakes would be thrust from the plane during depressurization.

So, what is the big deal you ask? It sounds like 'andaconda part 14' doesn't it? Well in essence it is. Very little actually seperates 'snakes' from all the other 3rd rate 'evil animal' horror films. To my mind, the only thing that puts 'snakes' ahead of the others is its overbearing, and invasive ad campaign. The producers obviously knew how to capitalize on the popularity of Sammy, and injected soundbites of him praising the glory of his new movie. I believe this tactic will either catch on so well that it will be watered down and usless within 6 months, or never be seen again in fear of being associated with such overrated garbage.

If you enter the theatre expecting utter crap, you may be pleasently surprised with the off-key humor, and intensity of Jackson's performance. But unfortunately, if you have high expectations of "snakes on a plane" you may leave wishing you were among the lucky few who died less than 10 minutes into the film, thereby not having to endure 105 minutes of mind numbing 'horror'


Dr. Gagnon
"Bears on a Submarine?!?!"  ¶ 10:56 AM 1 comments

  shopping, deals and discounts..... Consumer reports, and tv's 'smart buying tips' have corrupted the consumer. There was a time when shopping meant going to find what you want to buy, and when found, people would purchase the item in question. Lately though, the media, and various other groups have started what i like to call the 'war on retailers'. They have convinced the customer that he is god, and sales people must bend over in his presence. He must always be right (even when wrong). He must have the lowest price AND the best service.

So to all of the god complex victims out there. You are not always right, in fact (due mostly to the internet) you are generally WRONG. Just because Joe Blow at consumer reports got sucked off by (insert brand name here) doesnt mean they make better products. Furthermore, sales people dont care if YOU dont like what we sell. You are not educating us when you come into our store and tell us about the competition. Just because Dan Rather told you that you are smarter than the people selling to you doesnt make it true. Where is YOUR million dollar corperation?! You get what you pay for people. Yes you will pay more for well known name brands, and there is a reason for that. Name brands have established themselves as reliable and/or better than the no-name wal-mart shit that will be broken within a week (two at best). Now i dont hate wal-mart, i just choose not to shop there often. wal-mart is obviously a chain that will outlast most. They have somehow found a way to exploit the general public and left them begging for more. Workers locked in at night, making next to nothing. Products that come pre-broken, even when brand new in the original box. They even profit off the mentally handicapped, parading them around as 'greeters' where their goofy antics delight the public.

And now that we are on the topic of the mentally handicapped, it is time people realize they are our social superiors. They are always happy, no matter what is going on. They can have fun with even the most menial tasks, and can cheer up even the most evil of blackened souls (excluding the unsanitary ones of course). We should be worshipping these people the way the Egiptians once worshipped cats. I think a good start would be a giant stature of the winner of the most gold medals in last years special olympics. A constant reminder that life is better when you have mittens pinned to your jacked year-round.

Final Thoughts:
1. When a customer responds with "just looking" rember that it really means "i have nothing better to do that waste your fucking time".

2. You can't hug your children with nuclear arms

The Doctor (G)  ¶ 11:32 AM 1 comments

  The Loss of Hearing and Inability to Carry a Conversation... From the moment I was old enough to enter the secret world of 'drinking establishments' and 'clubs' I noticed something in the majority of these places. They obviously play music, that's no secret and it's ALWAYS enjoyable to hear your favourite Usher or Black Eyed Peas song playing while you consume large amounts of your favourite liquor. But why must we be deafened by the volume of these sound systems? Often I would wake up groggy in the morning and realize there was a strange constant buzzing in my ear. Sometimes I'd even leave the club and hear a humming in my head. What was this? Was God trying to tell me something? Perhaps
"You've just lost 1/8th of your hearing"!!! Once in a while I'd almost LIKE to hear that the music was played TOO quietly!! Then I could tell the DJ "turn that shit up mr.dj". Maybe I wouldn't have the hearing problems I suffer with today. Right there along with the loss of hearing I also find it quite irritating to attempt to talk to people when the music is louder than a fucking plane landing. I find myself saying "What?" or "huh?" quite often. Then the drunk person has to come closer to my ear and I get to smell their delicious beer breath which isn't the greatest thing in the world. I'm not a huge fan of drunk people(especially ones I don't know) right in my face, but I can't hear them otherwise(not that they are saying anything astounding)

Karaoke nights are nights that the sound system should perhaps be turned down significantly, I mean not EVERYONE singing is the next Kelly Clarkson/Clay Aitken. I don't need to hear a 40 year old slaughter K.D Langs - Constant Craving at a high volume. That shit can be turned down!! I need to go rest my pulsating eardrums now.  ¶ 9:56 AM 1 comments

  Of the ignorant and Evolution....... Our society has moved in leaps and bounds in the years of late. Computers have revolutionized the way we think about almost all of our daily activities. Banking, shopping, and even dating can be done online. And while we manage to create such amazing devices, things that make our lives so easy, we forget that life is SUPPOSED to be hard. We forget that the easier our life is, the weaker we become. People have become so numb to what is important that weakness has become the favourable alternitave.

And what is so important you ask? The survival of the human race would have to be near the top of my list. In the last hundred years alone we have started on a downward spiral in our belief systems and our ability to uphold those beliefs. More specifically i am talking about our WAR on natural selection. Far more hazerdous than the war on terror, drugs, or even communisim. Natural selection is what ensures only the fit survive to precreate. It is the driving force of any strong species. Dinosaurs, for example were favoured by natural selection, and for BILLIONS of years they have reinged supreme over this planet. And at the rate in which we are eliminating natural selection as a factor in human deaths, we won't reach the million year mark.

Let's get into the specifics, shall we? Stupidity, ineptitude and ignorance at one point were the main causes of death for humanity. We were strong then. If we could not hunt, we would starve. If we could not farm, we would starve. And our families (assuming we had mated) would starve with us, insuring that the wretched offspring of the inept would not plague the world. It was not just food related either. All the stupidity that nowadays causes injury (from minor to severe) would kill you! And if it did not, you would live knowing you were both smart and strong enough to survive the test of time.

What test do we have now though? Simply surviving takes no effort, strength, or intelligence. All you need is a welfare cheque and you can raise a large family and live to a ripe old age. Even then you are garunteed doctors, medication, and chance after chance at life. Stupidity is so prevalant now that we have countless TV programs that encourage you to videotape your own idiocy for money. Shouldn't we be condemning these useless wretches rather than rewarding them?

Now i see no way out of this apocolyptic mistake short of eliminating hospitals, medicare, police, and government. I know this sounds unreasonable, but being 'reasonable' is what got us here in the first place. We must either take drastic measures or accept the end of our kind.

I am a realistic person who knows none of these changes will take place,(we are doomed) but its worth a thought at least. So the next time one of your moron friends says they are going to surf on top of a car, jump off a bridge into shallow water, or 'try' heroin, please, for the love of humanity, ENCOURAGE THEM!! It`ll be one less fool suckling from the teat of their inetlectual superiors.

A slightly bitter...

Dr. G  ¶ 5:16 PM 3 comments

  Caffine addiction and it's grip on our sanity..... I woke up this morning a few hours later than i would had this been a work day. Having slept about 9 hours i should feel rejuvinated, ready to start the day. BUT i actually want more. More sleep is all i can think about as i recoil back under my blanket. Facing the ooutside world has never been such a daunting task. Finally i manged to break free of the sleepy shackles that bind me to my bedding. At this point i feel an invigoration that would have seemed impossible but an hour ago. This invigoration is born of a need, no, more of a burning desire actually. I can almost smell it, taste it, feel it coursing through my veins.

Clearly coffee has taken hold of me with the grip of a dying man clinging to life itself. I have tried to quit on many occasions (making it over 2 months at my best) but have always returned to my sweet black crack. Quitting usually involves some kind of introspective period as I examine my life and where my addictions fit in. I tell myself that i do not NEED coffee, and i would be a much healthier person without it. Not true though. I may not need coffee, but i feel much healthier WITH it. My immune sysetem becomes a mighty and formidable force. Picture millions of white cells cracked out and angry, each holding a tiny little coffee mug ("worlds greatest blood cell" imprinted on the side). And lets not forget my digestive system. Years of thick black espresso has coated and hardened my insides. Indigestion is a thing of the past, if my naturally produced acids and enzimes can't break down a food molecule, rest assured that the latent coffee will dissolve it leaving no trace (or heartburn).

So with all these many benifits (or delusions) associated with coffee, is it any wonder that you can sit at almost any Starbucks, look down the road, and see the NEXT starbucks? people love to demonize such establishments as 'evil corperations', but WE ALL made them that way. Starbucks would be just another little coffee shop in a strip mall (next to a trailer park) if so many of us didn't live and breathe for coffee.

On a personal note, I have recently quit both drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. Now who knows how long such a lofty attempt will last, but i do know that my close companion coffee will be there for me through it all. Support of friends and family is great, but at the same time tends to seem somewhat patronizing. "good luck quitting". "how long has it been". "i know you can do it".

How the FUCK does that help me?

I say if you cant curb my hunger, elevate my mood, increase my metabolic rate by 30%, and leave me in a cold sweat typing away my worries, you should really just go make me a goddamn coffee!


Thank You Java World, Java Planet, Starbucks, Serious Coffee, Manhatten Coffee, Tim Hortons, and any others that I`ve missed.

Dr. Gagnon  ¶ 12:10 PM 0 comments

  MSN - The annoyances. So I heated myself up some delicious and healthy green tea, positioned myself in front of the computer and logged onto MSN. Before my very eyes I have 30 contacts online. 30! Wow, lots of people to talk to. Not so much.

It's come to my attention that many many many people like to log onto msn and sit there in "away" or "busy" mode. Some people actually sit there ALL day long. Why? Isn't it irritating when you see someone you really need to talk to online sitting in "away" and you start talking and talking, finally realizing they have no intention of answering you? How annoying. So why even be online? I need some answers people, if you are one of these imbeciles, I need a complete and thorough explanation on why you feel the need to do this?

On the rare occasion, I get preoccupied while on MSN, usually with dishes or a phone call. Sometimes I even leave the house not realizing I've left myself "online". I return only to find like 10 chat windows open - people talking to me, not realizing I'm not responding. I apologize for this but you must remember it was an accident, I didn't purposely leave it on like you do EVERYDAY.

I might leave myself "appear offline" for the next little while, MSN is annoying the shit out of me. Probably not though.

Ms.S.Magnifico!  ¶ 10:55 AM 6 comments

  The Freaks Rise Early..... This is the email that started what would become the greatest email-based newsletter in the history of the internet (thank you Al Gore) and eventually evolve (with the help of the Stupendous Shalynator) into this very blog.

so this is officially becoming a newsletter. or rather a rant letter. i think i can pull off at least one a week. and in the specific case of this letter, please forgive spelling and grammatical errors, as i have consumed a bottle of red wine ( Bolla ) and cannot at this point see....

also if any of you (the select chosen few) do not want to recieve my rant letters, please tell me ASAP or they will just keep on coming, unrelenting like a desperate crack addict on his last leg, gripping at sanity by a thin thread.

so back to the point of all of this. the freaks and degenerates of society. why is it that the mornings harbor such people? why is it that all the poeple you would never want to talk to are always out wreaking their own form of annoyance and havoc at the wee hours of the morning? (wee hours refering to anytime before noon). and its not the drug addicts or the mentally unstable of which i speak. it's the elderly. they mosy through life as though simply surviving to their age demands some intense level of respect. as though working some meanial job for 50 years until retirement has earned them the right to walk into (anywhere really) and act as though they own the place, or at least act like madmen (or women, depending on the case), expecting not only total attention, but obedience no less. No, i have no lived as many years as you. NO, i have not been to any war or survived some great tragedy, BUT, if you need MY assistance with something don't act as though you have earned it. ask me politely or face the inevatable sarcasm, condescending tones, and aptly rude comments.

sense of humor must also be addressed in any discussion involving the 'holier than thou' elderly. your jokes don't make any sense to us (us being anyone under 60) and when we don't get them dont look at us like were are some kind of society-destroying criminals. just because YOU laugh at your own jokes doesn't mean we have to. and on that note, why is it nessisary for you to touch me as you laugh?!?! im constantly faced with the 'dirty old man' who tells a joke and then either grabs my arm or puts his hand on my shoulder. do so many people run from your jokes that you must grab them in order for them to listen to you?

on my final, an probably most detestable point, why must 95% of people over 60 smell so bad?! cologne, deoderant, regular bathing, these 'options' are open to everyone, not just those who work with the public. if any of these are new to you, or are ideas you have not even considered in the last 10 years maybe it's time to consider a nursing home. maybe if societies standards of cleanliness are too high for you, you should consider leaving society (for the sake of society). and lets not forget the hippies (also known as 'flower children', 'children of the 60`s', and 'enemies of deorderant'. Peace, Love, and Friendship are all good. i even stand by free love despite all the hate mongers and STD enthusiasts, but one thing i can not tolerate is the use of pachouli oil as an alternative to deorderant and regular washing (be it by shower or bath). someone has to finally tell them that the pachouli smells even worse than the inevatable B.O. that has accumulated in the weeks they have been dancing in the sun while high on speed, extacy or just weed without the need for sleep, food, or water ( i guess its unfair to associate weed with degenerate dirtyness, but i needed a third word or the sentance wouldn't flow).

so yeah, no more self-righteous, near-death, old people, and no more goddamn pachouli would be a great start to creating a perfect society. i know this wont happen overnight, but remember the movie soylent green provided a solution to one of these problems......

the other is up to YOU


Dr. Gagnon  ¶ 5:36 PM 4 comments

  The Plague if the Spider....... spiders, one on natures most efficent killing machines. with so many legs (and eyes) they tend to be far more ferocious than their close friend, the snake. spiders and snakes formed an alliance long ago and the sole purpose of this alliance is to frighten human beings. many storis have been written about snakes and spiders not only in the last few year, but for centuries. i personally do not fear the snake. snakes have never attacked my home, or threatned my loved ones. one particular spider though, has instilled this fear in me, a crippiling fear so strong it haunts my dreams and dances playfully in my nightmares.

it must have been old. older than i, older even than the appartment at which i currently reside. it had the instincts of a war tempered old vet with hate in his heart and vengance in his soul. well this spder, who will be hereforth refered to as 'James Witheringtonsbury the 3rd' or James for short, has decided to make our bathroom his place of dwelling. little did james know that others had claimed this bathroom and paid for it with thier own blood (or rent money, im a little hazy on the details).

the first encounter happened as most do between, soon to be, sworn rivals. marlowe (one of the tenants of the cursed room 316) was in the bathroom, minding his own business when suddenly James Witheringtonsbury the 3rd made himself known. or rather simply allowed marlowe to see him for the first time. now i don't speak spider but i personally see this as an open attempt to mock and provoke the human tenants. as though saying 'i was here before you, and ill be here long after you are gone! MWHAHAHAHA!!' Marlowe, of course, was more than a little shaken by james, (you see, james is at least 6 inches from end to end, and as strong as a little horse). marlowe, being the action orinted fella he is, decided to spray james with hairspray. the thought of course being that biological warfare (hairspray) would require less effort, and less danger than actually snuffing james out by hand. James though, has clearly faces and survived this sort of attack many times in the past and merely retreated where no human could possibly follow.

on two further occasions morlowe faced James Witheringtonsbury the 3rd in a battle of wits, strength and speed. and while marlowe surely possesed the superior wit (possibly intelligence too) Jamey came out on top yet again. at one point marlowe even managed to 'trap' Mr. Witherintonsbury III under an empty hair gel container, but as triumphant as you might expect marlowe to have felt, he did not. you see, Jimmy simply LIFTED the container and fled into the wall.

these stories, and others, were told to me in detail over the last few months. and though the legend of James Witheringtonsbury (the 3rd) grew and grew, i had yet to even see the beast. i would have thought this a lie, had i not sensed his presence everytime i entered the lavatory. it was an ominous feeling, like being watched by a powerful malevolent creature. a creature only seen on the most horrific of movies (think gremlins, or gremlins part 3).

all of this came to an end on the 7th of August, 2006. i was sitting on the porcelean throne when i spotted hit. no more than a foot in front of my bare foot. i was engulfed by fear as i knew death itself was staring me down. the legend of James Witheringtonsbury III had preceded him and i knew my options were few. i quickly reached for an object with witch to crush the life out of the little bastard (a bottle of liquid soap). and so, with the mere twitch of a muscle, i slammed the bottle down. of course i missed. my large human muscle could never flex fast enough to kill the great Lord Witheringtonsbury (the 3rd). this obviously enraged little Jimmy though. he darted towards me, and i was forced to leap from the toilet halfway across the room. this is when i spotted it. the tool which would bring about the demise Jamey III. so grabed the toilet brush, knoing that adding its length (to my arm) would grant me the speed i required. with a peircing battle cry i swung down upon the mighty demon. no more would we speak of the scourge of bathroom 316. no longer must we urinate in fear.

316 is free

Dr. G  ¶ 2:48 PM 2 comments

  Well, this is the Doctor's first entry. I have decided to post the back issues of my newsletter, and inform everone that subsequient newsletters will all be posted here. Please keep in mind that in writing these, i have disregarded punctuation, and for the most part, spelling as well. This is simply my newsletter style. so i would appreciate not getting spammed with spelling corrections. I do, however, appreciate opinions, input, and of course a good arguement.


Dr. Gagnon

NEWSLETTERS:

Aug 3, 06

Hot Donkey Lovin', or this weeks newsletter?

At what point in our society did political correctness become more important than common sense? is our society degrading at such a rate that in 20 years we will not be able to speak freely? everything offends someone. constantly what i say tends to offend more than most, but does that mean these things should be left unsaid?
this weeks dillema is gender discrimination ( or the lack thereof as of late ). we are faced with such rediculousness as actresses demanding to be called 'actors' because they don't want to be seperated from thier male counterparts, and clothing stores not being allowed to have seperate change rooms for men and women. do these people think there are no discernable differences between males and females? and example of the harm (or annoyance at least) that this PC attitude can cause happened to a friend of mine around a week ago at a clothing store in the mall. they have a man come into thier store from time to time (keep in mind this is a womans lingere store) to 'try on' the goods. after which the products are left coated in sweat an cannot be sold. all end up in the trash can. unfortunately, due to PC laws, this store is not allowed to deny this man service. he does not buy things, just wastes the employees time, and scares off potential customers getting his rocks off in a change room. would it be wrong to tell a man he cannot try on womens underwear in a public store. of course not. but with things the way they are, she could loose her job if she did.
biologicaly men and women are different. just in case any of you did not already know this. now im not saying women should not make equal wages, im not saying its wrong to be of a different sexuality than i am. but for fucks sake don't get offended and start lawsuits when the differences are aknowledged as making you DIFFERENT.
and as long as we are discussing such things, let me address an issue that has bothered me for a while. women only gyms. now i am speaking in genneralizations (because they are gennerally true), but it seems that the women that frequent these gyms are often the same that loudly advocate feminism and equal rights. how could a womens only gym be any less equal. if you dont want men to stare at you while you work out, try not wearing the sexiest most revealing thing you own while bouncing up and down on a treadmill, or a least dont gripe to me about the inequalities of mens sports teams, gentelmens clubs, or the head offices of most major companies. now i dont subscribe to any of these mens only clubs either (they are a little to 'into men' for me) but i DO want to join a womens gym. and until i can work out next to some of the most insecure women or society has to offer dont ever tell me 'things should be more equal'.
now if only i had a nice red wine to sip as the rebuttles and replys come flowing in.....
thats it for this week

Dr. Gagnon

Aug 5, 06

An email, turned discussion......

i find myself rather content with everything that is going on around me, which makes coming up with anything remotely interesting to rant about quite difficult. most of my usualy motivation is griping about some kind of easily avoidable conflict oing on either at work on here in my appartment, and rather than 'deal' with the issue i enjoy writing about it. but today more than ever i find myself deep in a pit of stagnation, my drive running dry due to the ease in which the hours flow by. i need a challenge. work can often be arduous, but my effort (or lack thereof) doesnt seem to impact my sales either way. weather i sit on the computer in the back, or talk to everyone through the door my sales always seem to end around the same number at the end of the month. on the plus side of all of this, i am planning to have all mu business cards and my name tag officiall changed to Dr Gary Gagnon. im sure it`ll do wonders for the old self esteem. and while it may not be a "real" PhD (or any PhD as i have yet to even send the order), i stongly doubt anyone will be asking to see my certification. on that note, i am thinking of "doctor of philosophy". since i am prone to long winded rants about the nature of life, it seems apt for me to 'become' a doctor in that feild. no on argues with a doctor.
"lets get philisophical"
i dont think i have given you an organized religion rant yet, and recent events have rekindled the flame i like to call 'religion bashing' wich usually ends with a large group of angry tie wearing christians suggesting i be publicly crucified. so here goes.
let me start by saying i have christian friends (2 i think) so i dont want you to automatically assume that i immediately dismiss someone on the basis of their religious orientation. my main problem with the whole thing is this. how can an institution that preaches ignorance for no other reason but to gain power be so widely accepted by otherwise intelligen individuals? a friend of mine, lets call him 'James' is quite a devout god-fearing man, and yet in ALL other aspects of his life seems to be not only a well balanced individual, but a down to earth (so to speak), normal guy. little would you know from talking to him that he actually believes that dinosaurs could not have existed (bible told him that), and that we ALL descended form adam and eve (bible again), making us so rediculously inbred that we should by now all vestigial tails, hairlips, and boneless unusable hands. this book, born of fiction, full of metphoric tales meant to get a point across, clearly fell into the wrong hands about 1500 years ago. only a madman (or evil genius possibly) could take a book, and use it to control not one nation, but many. one book to start countless wars and end countless lives.
is it so hard for people to live their life as is that they must cling to such an obvious lie? sometimes i think my life might be easier if i could lean on that crutch as they do. all questions answered, everything for a reason, and the promise of eternal life if only i do what i am told and bow down. i do not, however, do so. life is hard, and shit certainly does happen. but wheather it 'happened for a reason' or not, does not change things. when bad things happen i choose to do something about them (usually in email form) rather than praying and hoping that some benevolent creator will make everything right for me.
but let us indulge this notion for a moment. let's say i have had a bad day and hmmmmm...... been fired maybe. so i am out a job and i decide to pray to god, that he may show me the way. i am so vain in my own existence to believe that the creator of everything and everyone (for the sake of this rant, think about millions starving in africa) cares about ME and my petty job issue MORE than about real suffering. that much attention from a creator type would undoubtedly leave me thinking that maybe, just maybe this was all created just for me. i must be the center of the universe.
wow, that was a scary trip (into the mind of the super-christian). now i know that was a little extreme, and most dont fall into that category, but i felt it valid considering the president of our southern neighbor seems to think along those lines.
hmmmm.... so i managed to start by whining about lack of motivation yet ended by accusing christians of thinking they are god.maybe i should send this to more people. i dont get enough hate mail these days.

Dr. Gagnon

Aug 9, 06

well let's face it people, greatness skipped our generation. and that is the most positive outlook i can possibly have on the situation. more realisticaly 'greatness' was a temporary idea, now replaced with the idea that we are all the same, all doomed to the fate of simply fading away and being forgotten by all but out closest friends. and why should we be remembered? these days our most revered people are also our biggest jokes. we love our celebreties, we love them so much we stalk them, write about them, photograph them in the privacy of their own homes, and create entire tv channels dedicated to gossiping about the most minor daily occurences in thier lives. and why, you ask? well i am not the person you should be asking. i couldn't care less if some guy who made a movie once had sex on an airplane with a dried up porn start from the 70`s (who hasn't? really?). and medeocrity is not the worst of it. the enormity of our dire situation lies in just that. ENORMITY! they call it an epedemic, i call it being fat. but just so there is no confusion, i do not gripe with those who have a little extra padding. that does not make for interesting writing. but i must say it is very hard to 'live and let live' someone who is so morbidly obese that he struggles to breathe. i see at least one of these individuals a day at work, and these are the days i curse the heat and pray (yes pray, in this one extreme situation i will pray to any god who will listen) for winter. you, dear reader, cannot imagine the foul, indecent odour these people can emit. and when they decide to stand in front of the fan to 'cool off' you could be easily conviced that a dozen dead fish hve been rotting away in the ventilation for a year or two. well complaining is fun, but it doesn't solve the problem. the solution seems so simple though. i call it the return of the diet pill (methanphetimine). this is a two part solution really.

PART ONE: give diet pills to EVERYONE who is 30+ pounds overweight. this must be government mandeted with possible jail-time for non-complience. if we do this i see around 40% of the 'fatties' becoming 'normies' within 6-8 weeks (just quick enough to impress that mail-order bride you were waiting for).

PART TWO: obviously some people are just too big for this to 'thin them out'. not true i say! keep the drugs flowing and the more morbidly obese patients will eventually pop off from heart attacks. problem solved!! i know some peopel may disagree with such a conscice solution. McDonalds for example is expected to face a collosal loss of profit in the year following the 'thinning' of society. i also suspect that the 'plus size' clothing designers will have to reintroduce the 'baggy' trend or go the way of the greasy fry peddlers. great news for those that slim and survive though, you get WAY more sex once you find your genitals.....

well people, this was originally an exclusive email rather than my usual newsletter. sent only to those i know well (with thick skin) and those who may have the political influence to get the show in the road so to speak. but due to a lack of responce from government officials, it it now for all to see.

Dr.G  ¶ 12:36 PM 4 comments

  First post and I have to boast the most. So here I sit at my PC(personal computer to those unknowledgable of computer language)and I am going to share a little story about a girl I know.

This girl works for a painting company, the company does relatively well aside from the fact she is a complete douchebag/trashbag


douchebag:

An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic she/he appears.

This girl thinks drinking a 6 pack while driving 4 fellow employee's home is safe practice.
So anyways getting on with this short and sweet story( I don't want to waste TOO much of my life writing about this minor annoyance) one day I arrived at a job site ready and eager to work. However, the van with our necessary supplies did not arrive on time. After waiting almost an hour and attempting to call her someone drove to her house. She arrived 5 minutes later speaking in a rude tone "God there are 4 of you here someone could have come to my house and got the van instead of waiting around doing nothing". Was she joking? Was she moody from sleeping in? Perhaps, but regardless she was acting like a huge douchebag. I scoffed and shook my head, not wanting to get involved with such a imbecile minded human.

This girl got the opportunity to work at a job site in Tofino. Our boss trusted her and sent her on her way to paint a police officers empty house and she would stay the night with another coworker there. They proceeded to have a gathering(a.k.a a party or shindig as I like to call it) at the police officers house. Noise complaints ensued. Later that weekend when they had completed the job and headed home they left the house in utter destruction and littered with evidence of the previous nights consumption. In turn, the painting company lost the contract to paint other such places in Tofino, including the Fire Station and Police Station. What a douchebag. This girl is 27, should she know better? Is age just a number? My common sense would tell me me that a police officers empty house is probably not the best place to hold a party, especially I was sent there by my boss for WORK. I am far younger than 27.

The owner and boss of the painting company has now left for a months vacation in Africa, subsequently leaving this douchebag in CHARGE. Yes. After her idiocy in Tofino and general bad attitude, she is now left in CHARGE. I was informed to call her on Sunday to gather what my job would be on Monday. No answer. I text her to ask her what's up for Monday and I receive this

"7:30"

I text her back and ask
"At Your Place?" with no response.
I arrive at her place at 7:30 with no work van or her in sight.
I return home, annoyed. I decide to quit as I don't really need a second job I just enjoy the money.
Now, with the help of a trusty and knowledgable Doctor I have created a blog, or WEBlog as it's formally called to speak and educate the world of the douchebaglike, idiotlike and general lack of common sense that is prevalent in our society. With the avaliable education system, books and computers right at our disposal there is no excuse for it. But, stupid people will live on and give me plenty to write about.

Onward Bound!

SHALYN THE MAGNIFICENT!  ¶ 12:32 PM 3 comments