Well, this is the Doctor's first entry. I have decided to post the back issues of my newsletter, and inform everone that subsequient newsletters will all be posted here. Please keep in mind that in writing these, i have disregarded punctuation, and for the most part, spelling as well. This is simply my newsletter style. so i would appreciate not getting spammed with spelling corrections. I do, however, appreciate opinions, input, and of course a good arguement.


Dr. Gagnon

NEWSLETTERS:

Aug 3, 06

Hot Donkey Lovin', or this weeks newsletter?

At what point in our society did political correctness become more important than common sense? is our society degrading at such a rate that in 20 years we will not be able to speak freely? everything offends someone. constantly what i say tends to offend more than most, but does that mean these things should be left unsaid?
this weeks dillema is gender discrimination ( or the lack thereof as of late ). we are faced with such rediculousness as actresses demanding to be called 'actors' because they don't want to be seperated from thier male counterparts, and clothing stores not being allowed to have seperate change rooms for men and women. do these people think there are no discernable differences between males and females? and example of the harm (or annoyance at least) that this PC attitude can cause happened to a friend of mine around a week ago at a clothing store in the mall. they have a man come into thier store from time to time (keep in mind this is a womans lingere store) to 'try on' the goods. after which the products are left coated in sweat an cannot be sold. all end up in the trash can. unfortunately, due to PC laws, this store is not allowed to deny this man service. he does not buy things, just wastes the employees time, and scares off potential customers getting his rocks off in a change room. would it be wrong to tell a man he cannot try on womens underwear in a public store. of course not. but with things the way they are, she could loose her job if she did.
biologicaly men and women are different. just in case any of you did not already know this. now im not saying women should not make equal wages, im not saying its wrong to be of a different sexuality than i am. but for fucks sake don't get offended and start lawsuits when the differences are aknowledged as making you DIFFERENT.
and as long as we are discussing such things, let me address an issue that has bothered me for a while. women only gyms. now i am speaking in genneralizations (because they are gennerally true), but it seems that the women that frequent these gyms are often the same that loudly advocate feminism and equal rights. how could a womens only gym be any less equal. if you dont want men to stare at you while you work out, try not wearing the sexiest most revealing thing you own while bouncing up and down on a treadmill, or a least dont gripe to me about the inequalities of mens sports teams, gentelmens clubs, or the head offices of most major companies. now i dont subscribe to any of these mens only clubs either (they are a little to 'into men' for me) but i DO want to join a womens gym. and until i can work out next to some of the most insecure women or society has to offer dont ever tell me 'things should be more equal'.
now if only i had a nice red wine to sip as the rebuttles and replys come flowing in.....
thats it for this week

Dr. Gagnon

Aug 5, 06

An email, turned discussion......

i find myself rather content with everything that is going on around me, which makes coming up with anything remotely interesting to rant about quite difficult. most of my usualy motivation is griping about some kind of easily avoidable conflict oing on either at work on here in my appartment, and rather than 'deal' with the issue i enjoy writing about it. but today more than ever i find myself deep in a pit of stagnation, my drive running dry due to the ease in which the hours flow by. i need a challenge. work can often be arduous, but my effort (or lack thereof) doesnt seem to impact my sales either way. weather i sit on the computer in the back, or talk to everyone through the door my sales always seem to end around the same number at the end of the month. on the plus side of all of this, i am planning to have all mu business cards and my name tag officiall changed to Dr Gary Gagnon. im sure it`ll do wonders for the old self esteem. and while it may not be a "real" PhD (or any PhD as i have yet to even send the order), i stongly doubt anyone will be asking to see my certification. on that note, i am thinking of "doctor of philosophy". since i am prone to long winded rants about the nature of life, it seems apt for me to 'become' a doctor in that feild. no on argues with a doctor.
"lets get philisophical"
i dont think i have given you an organized religion rant yet, and recent events have rekindled the flame i like to call 'religion bashing' wich usually ends with a large group of angry tie wearing christians suggesting i be publicly crucified. so here goes.
let me start by saying i have christian friends (2 i think) so i dont want you to automatically assume that i immediately dismiss someone on the basis of their religious orientation. my main problem with the whole thing is this. how can an institution that preaches ignorance for no other reason but to gain power be so widely accepted by otherwise intelligen individuals? a friend of mine, lets call him 'James' is quite a devout god-fearing man, and yet in ALL other aspects of his life seems to be not only a well balanced individual, but a down to earth (so to speak), normal guy. little would you know from talking to him that he actually believes that dinosaurs could not have existed (bible told him that), and that we ALL descended form adam and eve (bible again), making us so rediculously inbred that we should by now all vestigial tails, hairlips, and boneless unusable hands. this book, born of fiction, full of metphoric tales meant to get a point across, clearly fell into the wrong hands about 1500 years ago. only a madman (or evil genius possibly) could take a book, and use it to control not one nation, but many. one book to start countless wars and end countless lives.
is it so hard for people to live their life as is that they must cling to such an obvious lie? sometimes i think my life might be easier if i could lean on that crutch as they do. all questions answered, everything for a reason, and the promise of eternal life if only i do what i am told and bow down. i do not, however, do so. life is hard, and shit certainly does happen. but wheather it 'happened for a reason' or not, does not change things. when bad things happen i choose to do something about them (usually in email form) rather than praying and hoping that some benevolent creator will make everything right for me.
but let us indulge this notion for a moment. let's say i have had a bad day and hmmmmm...... been fired maybe. so i am out a job and i decide to pray to god, that he may show me the way. i am so vain in my own existence to believe that the creator of everything and everyone (for the sake of this rant, think about millions starving in africa) cares about ME and my petty job issue MORE than about real suffering. that much attention from a creator type would undoubtedly leave me thinking that maybe, just maybe this was all created just for me. i must be the center of the universe.
wow, that was a scary trip (into the mind of the super-christian). now i know that was a little extreme, and most dont fall into that category, but i felt it valid considering the president of our southern neighbor seems to think along those lines.
hmmmm.... so i managed to start by whining about lack of motivation yet ended by accusing christians of thinking they are god.maybe i should send this to more people. i dont get enough hate mail these days.

Dr. Gagnon

Aug 9, 06

well let's face it people, greatness skipped our generation. and that is the most positive outlook i can possibly have on the situation. more realisticaly 'greatness' was a temporary idea, now replaced with the idea that we are all the same, all doomed to the fate of simply fading away and being forgotten by all but out closest friends. and why should we be remembered? these days our most revered people are also our biggest jokes. we love our celebreties, we love them so much we stalk them, write about them, photograph them in the privacy of their own homes, and create entire tv channels dedicated to gossiping about the most minor daily occurences in thier lives. and why, you ask? well i am not the person you should be asking. i couldn't care less if some guy who made a movie once had sex on an airplane with a dried up porn start from the 70`s (who hasn't? really?). and medeocrity is not the worst of it. the enormity of our dire situation lies in just that. ENORMITY! they call it an epedemic, i call it being fat. but just so there is no confusion, i do not gripe with those who have a little extra padding. that does not make for interesting writing. but i must say it is very hard to 'live and let live' someone who is so morbidly obese that he struggles to breathe. i see at least one of these individuals a day at work, and these are the days i curse the heat and pray (yes pray, in this one extreme situation i will pray to any god who will listen) for winter. you, dear reader, cannot imagine the foul, indecent odour these people can emit. and when they decide to stand in front of the fan to 'cool off' you could be easily conviced that a dozen dead fish hve been rotting away in the ventilation for a year or two. well complaining is fun, but it doesn't solve the problem. the solution seems so simple though. i call it the return of the diet pill (methanphetimine). this is a two part solution really.

PART ONE: give diet pills to EVERYONE who is 30+ pounds overweight. this must be government mandeted with possible jail-time for non-complience. if we do this i see around 40% of the 'fatties' becoming 'normies' within 6-8 weeks (just quick enough to impress that mail-order bride you were waiting for).

PART TWO: obviously some people are just too big for this to 'thin them out'. not true i say! keep the drugs flowing and the more morbidly obese patients will eventually pop off from heart attacks. problem solved!! i know some peopel may disagree with such a conscice solution. McDonalds for example is expected to face a collosal loss of profit in the year following the 'thinning' of society. i also suspect that the 'plus size' clothing designers will have to reintroduce the 'baggy' trend or go the way of the greasy fry peddlers. great news for those that slim and survive though, you get WAY more sex once you find your genitals.....

well people, this was originally an exclusive email rather than my usual newsletter. sent only to those i know well (with thick skin) and those who may have the political influence to get the show in the road so to speak. but due to a lack of responce from government officials, it it now for all to see.

Dr.G  ¶ 12:36 PM