The Plague if the Spider....... spiders, one on natures most efficent killing machines. with so many legs (and eyes) they tend to be far more ferocious than their close friend, the snake. spiders and snakes formed an alliance long ago and the sole purpose of this alliance is to frighten human beings. many storis have been written about snakes and spiders not only in the last few year, but for centuries. i personally do not fear the snake. snakes have never attacked my home, or threatned my loved ones. one particular spider though, has instilled this fear in me, a crippiling fear so strong it haunts my dreams and dances playfully in my nightmares.

it must have been old. older than i, older even than the appartment at which i currently reside. it had the instincts of a war tempered old vet with hate in his heart and vengance in his soul. well this spder, who will be hereforth refered to as 'James Witheringtonsbury the 3rd' or James for short, has decided to make our bathroom his place of dwelling. little did james know that others had claimed this bathroom and paid for it with thier own blood (or rent money, im a little hazy on the details).

the first encounter happened as most do between, soon to be, sworn rivals. marlowe (one of the tenants of the cursed room 316) was in the bathroom, minding his own business when suddenly James Witheringtonsbury the 3rd made himself known. or rather simply allowed marlowe to see him for the first time. now i don't speak spider but i personally see this as an open attempt to mock and provoke the human tenants. as though saying 'i was here before you, and ill be here long after you are gone! MWHAHAHAHA!!' Marlowe, of course, was more than a little shaken by james, (you see, james is at least 6 inches from end to end, and as strong as a little horse). marlowe, being the action orinted fella he is, decided to spray james with hairspray. the thought of course being that biological warfare (hairspray) would require less effort, and less danger than actually snuffing james out by hand. James though, has clearly faces and survived this sort of attack many times in the past and merely retreated where no human could possibly follow.

on two further occasions morlowe faced James Witheringtonsbury the 3rd in a battle of wits, strength and speed. and while marlowe surely possesed the superior wit (possibly intelligence too) Jamey came out on top yet again. at one point marlowe even managed to 'trap' Mr. Witherintonsbury III under an empty hair gel container, but as triumphant as you might expect marlowe to have felt, he did not. you see, Jimmy simply LIFTED the container and fled into the wall.

these stories, and others, were told to me in detail over the last few months. and though the legend of James Witheringtonsbury (the 3rd) grew and grew, i had yet to even see the beast. i would have thought this a lie, had i not sensed his presence everytime i entered the lavatory. it was an ominous feeling, like being watched by a powerful malevolent creature. a creature only seen on the most horrific of movies (think gremlins, or gremlins part 3).

all of this came to an end on the 7th of August, 2006. i was sitting on the porcelean throne when i spotted hit. no more than a foot in front of my bare foot. i was engulfed by fear as i knew death itself was staring me down. the legend of James Witheringtonsbury III had preceded him and i knew my options were few. i quickly reached for an object with witch to crush the life out of the little bastard (a bottle of liquid soap). and so, with the mere twitch of a muscle, i slammed the bottle down. of course i missed. my large human muscle could never flex fast enough to kill the great Lord Witheringtonsbury (the 3rd). this obviously enraged little Jimmy though. he darted towards me, and i was forced to leap from the toilet halfway across the room. this is when i spotted it. the tool which would bring about the demise Jamey III. so grabed the toilet brush, knoing that adding its length (to my arm) would grant me the speed i required. with a peircing battle cry i swung down upon the mighty demon. no more would we speak of the scourge of bathroom 316. no longer must we urinate in fear.

316 is free

Dr. G  ¶ 2:48 PM