The Freaks Rise Early..... This is the email that started what would become the greatest email-based newsletter in the history of the internet (thank you Al Gore) and eventually evolve (with the help of the Stupendous Shalynator) into this very blog.

so this is officially becoming a newsletter. or rather a rant letter. i think i can pull off at least one a week. and in the specific case of this letter, please forgive spelling and grammatical errors, as i have consumed a bottle of red wine ( Bolla ) and cannot at this point see....

also if any of you (the select chosen few) do not want to recieve my rant letters, please tell me ASAP or they will just keep on coming, unrelenting like a desperate crack addict on his last leg, gripping at sanity by a thin thread.

so back to the point of all of this. the freaks and degenerates of society. why is it that the mornings harbor such people? why is it that all the poeple you would never want to talk to are always out wreaking their own form of annoyance and havoc at the wee hours of the morning? (wee hours refering to anytime before noon). and its not the drug addicts or the mentally unstable of which i speak. it's the elderly. they mosy through life as though simply surviving to their age demands some intense level of respect. as though working some meanial job for 50 years until retirement has earned them the right to walk into (anywhere really) and act as though they own the place, or at least act like madmen (or women, depending on the case), expecting not only total attention, but obedience no less. No, i have no lived as many years as you. NO, i have not been to any war or survived some great tragedy, BUT, if you need MY assistance with something don't act as though you have earned it. ask me politely or face the inevatable sarcasm, condescending tones, and aptly rude comments.

sense of humor must also be addressed in any discussion involving the 'holier than thou' elderly. your jokes don't make any sense to us (us being anyone under 60) and when we don't get them dont look at us like were are some kind of society-destroying criminals. just because YOU laugh at your own jokes doesn't mean we have to. and on that note, why is it nessisary for you to touch me as you laugh?!?! im constantly faced with the 'dirty old man' who tells a joke and then either grabs my arm or puts his hand on my shoulder. do so many people run from your jokes that you must grab them in order for them to listen to you?

on my final, an probably most detestable point, why must 95% of people over 60 smell so bad?! cologne, deoderant, regular bathing, these 'options' are open to everyone, not just those who work with the public. if any of these are new to you, or are ideas you have not even considered in the last 10 years maybe it's time to consider a nursing home. maybe if societies standards of cleanliness are too high for you, you should consider leaving society (for the sake of society). and lets not forget the hippies (also known as 'flower children', 'children of the 60`s', and 'enemies of deorderant'. Peace, Love, and Friendship are all good. i even stand by free love despite all the hate mongers and STD enthusiasts, but one thing i can not tolerate is the use of pachouli oil as an alternative to deorderant and regular washing (be it by shower or bath). someone has to finally tell them that the pachouli smells even worse than the inevatable B.O. that has accumulated in the weeks they have been dancing in the sun while high on speed, extacy or just weed without the need for sleep, food, or water ( i guess its unfair to associate weed with degenerate dirtyness, but i needed a third word or the sentance wouldn't flow).

so yeah, no more self-righteous, near-death, old people, and no more goddamn pachouli would be a great start to creating a perfect society. i know this wont happen overnight, but remember the movie soylent green provided a solution to one of these problems......

the other is up to YOU


Dr. Gagnon  ¶ 5:36 PM